10 Surprising Truths About Dominatrices You Need to Know
A reality check from someone who swapped Watchtowers for whips
Most people think a Dominatrix is just a woman in latex who barks orders. Maybe she beats men for money or poses provocatively on Instagram. But the truth is much more complicated — and more liberating.
Before I became Sophia Domina, I was a wife, a missionary, a faithful Jehovah’s Witness in modest dresses, hiding vibrators behind Bible tracts. I didn’t just become a Dominatrix. I escaped into her. Read that story in my novel, Domme & Dommer.
Here are 10 things you probably don’t know about what it means to be a Dominatrix — and what it took to become one.
1. We Were Often the Most Submissive Women First
Many of us came from oppressive systems — religion, marriage, patriarchy. Before we ever held a flogger, we were groomed to kneel, obey, and please. My first Master was Jehovah. And trust me, He didn’t care if I came. Try being Jesus’ bottom for 25 years then tell me you can’t do the simple things I ask.
2. We Don’t Dominate to Hurt. We Dominate to Heal.
A real Domme isn’t power-hungry — she’s power-conscious. She sees the layers underneath your submission. Your trauma. Your longing. Your desire to surrender. She peels those layers back and says, “I see you. I accept you. Now kneel.”
3. We’re Not Just in It for the Money
Yes, it's a profession. But for many of us, it’s a calling. It’s a reclamation. It’s art. It’s alchemy. It’s taking all the years we were told our bodies were sinful, our voices too loud, our pleasure shameful — and making that into gold. And most femdoms are not findoms. Learn the difference.
4. We Don’t Need to Be Cruel to Be Powerful
Forget the caricature. The best Dommes are not cruel — they’re precise. A raised eyebrow can crush. A whispered command can devastate. Silence in the air can cause shivers. What many so-called male Doms misunderstand about Domination is that submission should be inspired not taken by force. That’s abuse.
5. Some of Us Used to Pray for Forgiveness After Masturbating
And now we make men beg for the chance to not cum. The shame around female pleasure runs deep. Many of us were taught our orgasms were evil. Becoming a Dominatrix was how I became sexually sovereign.
6. We Train Ourselves More Than We Train Subs
You want to be a good Dominatrix? Study psychology, trauma theory, ritual, performance, business, ethics, kink safety, and scene composition. Then add heels, charisma, and a closet full of bespoke lingerie. The level of discipline is... divine.
7. We’re More Than a Costume
Yes, the boots are part of the fantasy. But don’t let the leather fool you — underneath is a psychologist, an emotional midwife, and a business owner. Some women wear aprons; some wear strap-ons.
8. We Don’t Want Every Man to Submit. Just the Right Ones.
A true Domme doesn’t chase. She attracts. Submission is a gift, not a guarantee. If a man doesn’t want to worship, he’s free to leave the temple. But once inside, he’d better know how to serve.
9. We’re Not Immune to Love
Some of us fall for our subs. Some of us fall for vanilla lovers. Some of us cry after sessions. We’re not machines — we’re high-empathy, high-intensity artists of intimacy. Power play, when done right, is profoundly emotional. In fact, I’m a hot-blooded Sicilian. I love love and I won’t close my heart even if playing a cold disciplinarian.
10. We’re Not Just Playing a Role — We’re Reclaiming a Life
For me, becoming a Dominatrix wasn’t about fantasy. It was about freedom. It was about pulling the plug on a lifetime of people-pleasing, religious guilt, and the exhausting weight of being “good.” It was about coming into my power both as a woman and a Domme.
Read the Book
Read my novel Domme & Dommer, come to one of my play parties, or just keep reading this blog. You might not be ready to beg — but you’re already curious. That’s the first step.
Book a session
Seeking mentoring or submission? Book a session with me.