BDSM Glossary: The Language of Power, Pleasure, and Play

Sophia Domina pictured with Bonavega

Whether you're just dipping your toe into the velvet pool of kink or deep in the dungeon of devotion, knowing the language of BDSM isn't just helpful—it's empowering. These are the words of transformation, of seduction, of conscious eroticism. Learn them. Speak them. Live them. And if you become my submissive, you’ll be tested on your knowledge of these terms.

Aftercare

Aftercare is the act of tending to emotional and physical needs after a BDSM scene. Cuddling, water, affirmations, silence—it varies for each pair. It’s about safety, softness, and honoring what was shared. A powerful scene without aftercare is a story with no ending.

Bottom

A bottom receives sensation or instruction during play—but make no mistake, they can be powerful. The power bottom relishes surrender and commands it through invitation. They are taken—but always on their own terms. Tops and bottoms are not always in a D/s dynamic. There’s a difference, as top/bottom play can be more physical and not always involve psychological power exchange.

Brat

A Brat is a submissive who tests, teases, and misbehaves—playfully. They provoke Dominants to correct them, craving both attention and consequences. Brats need firm boundaries… and often love the sting that enforces them. I am personally not a fan of brats, so beware!

CBT (Cock and Ball Torture)

Cock and Ball Torture, or CBT, is a form of intense genital stimulation or torment that focuses on the penis and testicles. It can involve a wide range of sensations—from teasing to torture—and may include pressure, impact, bondage, stretching, or temperature play.

Examples include:

• Slapping, punching, or squeezing the testicles

• Using weights, clamps, or stretchers on the scrotum

• Binding the penis with rope, rubber bands, or cock rings

• Electro stimulation or temperature play (ice or wax)

CBT is not about cruelty—it’s about exploring limits, intensity, and the deep erotic connection between pain, control, and arousal. For many masochists, the genitals are both the most vulnerable and the most erotic site for power exchange. As with all edge play, safewords, clear communication, and thorough aftercare are non-negotiable.

CFNM (Clothed Female, Naked Male)

CFNM refers to a kink dynamic where a woman remains clothed while the submissive male is nude. It heightens the erotic contrast of power, vulnerability, and control. I begin almost every session by inspecting the male body while I remain in royal garb. One of my favorite kinks!

Chastity

Chastity is the erotic practice of denying orgasm or genital stimulation—often enforced by a physical device such as a cock cage. The Domme holds the key, and the sub’s longing becomes the fuel for obedience, fantasy, and frustration. The Keyholder has a serious responsibility to stay connected to the caged sub during their chastity and it creates a ritual of deep intimacy if executed properly.

Collar

A collar is more than jewelry—it’s a symbol of ownership, commitment, and belonging. Some wear it during scenes; others 24/7. It marks the bond between Domme and sub—ritualized, cherished, and powerful.

Communication and Consent

In BDSM, communication is foreplay—and consent is sacred. Enthusiastic, informed, ongoing consent forms the foundation for every scene, relationship, and dynamic.

Consensual Non-Consent (CNC)

A highly negotiated scene or dynamic in which one party consents to giving up the right to revoke consent during a scene (e.g., rape play). This is fantasy enacted with trust—not actual non-consent. Extreme caution, clarity, and aftercare are essential.

Domme / Dominatrix

A Domme (or Dominatrix) is a woman who takes the commanding role in a BDSM dynamic. She leads with erotic authority, guiding the scene, the power exchange, and the sub’s transformation. Learn to both capitalize and spell “Domme” correctly or else!

D/s Dynamic

A D/s dynamic is a power exchange between a Dominant and submissive. It may be romantic, ritualized, domestic, or ceremonial. It’s negotiated, intentional, and deeply personal.

Edge Play

Riskier forms of kink that involve emotional, physical, or psychological intensity. Examples include knife play, breath play, fear play, or consensual non-consent (CNC). Edge play requires advanced communication, risk-awareness, and deep trust.

Femdom

Femdom (Female Domination) centers the power of the woman. Whether nurturing or sadistic, the feminine leads—and the submissive learns to kneel, serve, and adore.

Fetish

A fetish is an erotic fixation on a specific object, material, or act. From latex to leather, feet to gloves, fetishes fuel deep arousal and focused desire.

Findom

Findom, or financial domination, is the consensual act of erotic financial submission. A sub pays tribute to their Dominant—finding thrill in sacrifice and surrender. Not to be confused with “Femdom.”

FLR

A Female Led Relationship is a dynamic in which the female directs and manages a relationship with a man. She holds greater power and the man willingly submits. It does not necessarily include kink though it certainly can. Each couple must decide

Foot Worship

Foot worship is the sensual act of kissing, licking, massaging, or adoring a Domme’s feet. It’s service, submission, and sometimes, pure fetish fulfillment.

Hard Limits, Soft Limits, Boundaries

• Hard Limits: Non-negotiable no’s.

• Soft Limits: Cautious maybe’s.

• Boundaries: Emotional, physical, or energetic limits essential to safety and respect.

Honorifics

Titles used in BDSM dynamics: Mistress, Ma’am, Goddess, Daddy, Sir, Master, princess, pet. These terms reinforce hierarchy and deepen the emotional bond. Honorifics don’t always have to be used in D/s dynamics but the Dom(me)’s title should always be capitalized.

Humiliation

Both humiliation and degradation are psychological kinks that play with shame, exposure, and the stripping of ego—but they are distinct in tone, intention, and intensity.

Humiliation is often playful, theatrical, or cheeky. It’s the art of embarrassing someone consensually—evoking feelings of vulnerability in a controlled, arousing way. A humiliated submissive may blush, giggle, squirm, or sink deeper into subspace, craving the emotional sting alongside the erotic one.

Examples of humiliation:

• Being ordered to say embarrassing things aloud (e.g., “I’m your filthy little toy”).

• Performing tasks in a silly or awkward way, like crawling on all fours in a pink tutu.

• Being laughed at in a group scene (with pre-negotiated consent).

• Displaying oneself in a position of mock shame or being “put on display.”

Humiliation is usually personalized, and can range from light embarrassment to intense emotional release—always within the boundaries of negotiated play.

Degradation

Degradation dives deeper. It involves lowering the submissive’s status, sometimes stripping away identity, agency, or dignity in symbolic or literal ways. Where humiliation teases the ego, degradation steps on it. This kink is more raw, edgy, and taboo—and requires a deep foundation of trust and aftercare.

Examples of degradation:

• Being called dehumanizing names (e.g., “slut,” “toy,” “whore”) with consent.

• Being used as an object (e.g., furniture, ashtray, cumrag).

• Being denied basic human courtesies or treated with deliberate dismissal.

• Performing acts while being told they are disgusting or pathetic.

Degradation can trigger powerful psychological reactions. For some, it is a cathartic undoing—a way to release shame by embracing it. For others, it is erotic suffering at the feet of their Dominant. Either way, it must be consensual, intentional, and supported by robust aftercare.

Impact Play

The art of striking the body with hands or tools (paddles, floggers, crops). It can be rhythmic, intense, and erotic—stirring endorphins, submission, and surrender.

Kink

Kink is any erotic practice that veers from the conventional. It’s creativity in motion—designed around consent, exploration, and the unleashing of hidden desires.

Masochism

Masochism is the consensual desire to receive pain or discomfort for erotic or emotional intensity. It’s not about suffering—it’s about transcendence.

Objectification

The erotic act of reducing someone to a thing: a piece of furniture, a display, an object of sexual use. Done consensually, it intensifies the Dominant’s power and the sub’s surrender.

Pet Play

Pet play involves the sub embodying an animal role—kitten, puppy, bunny—while the Domme becomes owner or handler. It’s primal, obedient, and full of instinctual expression.

Power Exchange

The intentional, consensual transfer of control from one partner to another. Whether for minutes or years, power exchange fuels the D/s dynamic.

Protocol

Protocol refers to a set of rituals or rules that structure behavior in a D/s dynamic. The Domme/top determines behaviors such as how a sub kneels to how they speak.

RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink)

A BDSM safety model focused on awareness and informed consent. RACK allows for riskier play (like edge play) through communication and responsibility.

Roleplay

The theatrical, erotic performance of roles: Teacher/student, Queen/slave, Mommy/baby. It opens the door to fantasy—and the freedom to explore it fully. Think of it as sex theatre!

SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual)

A classic BDSM code of ethics. All play should be reasonably safe, conducted by sane participants, and fully consensual. A staple for beginners and beyond.

Safe Word

A safe word is a verbal cue used to slow or stop a scene. “Red” means stop. “Yellow” means pause. “Green” means go. It’s the ultimate tool for empowered play.

Sadism

Sadism is the erotic desire to cause pain, discomfort, or intensity. It’s not cruelty—it’s control, sensation, and the art of giving someone what they crave.

Scene

A container of consensual BDSM play. It begins with negotiation, unfolds with intensity, and ends with care. Think of the Dominant as the director and the submissive as the player/actor. Very much related to theatre and can involve wardrobe, props, and sets!

Shibari

The Japanese art of rope bondage. Sensual, ritualistic, and visually stunning, Shibari turns the body into sculpture—and submission into stillness. My novel, Domme & Dommer, has some beautiful shibari scenes you will enjoy.

Sissification and Feminization

A kink involving dressing a submissive (typically male) in feminine attire or roles. It can be erotic, humiliating, playful, or affirming—always based on consent and fantasy. Many subs enjoy “forced” feminization by a Domme.

Slave (vs. Submissive)

A submissive may yield control at agreed times but is not necessarily a slave. All slaves are submissives but they live to serve, often in a 24/7 dynamic, relinquishing greater autonomy. Slavery is deeper, more ritualized, and total.

Slave Positions

Formalized poses trained into submissives to emphasize respect and control. Common positions include presenting, inspection, prostration, and offering. These rituals express devotion—and train the body to obey. I teach slave positions in my Female Dominance Workshops prior to my Boudoir Soirée play parties.

Small Penis Humiliation (SPH)

Small Penis Humiliation, often abbreviated as SPH, is a kink that involves the consensual mocking or belittling of a submissive’s penis size. For many, it’s not just about anatomy—it’s about emotional exposure, psychological vulnerability, and erotic degradation.

Examples include:

• Laughing at the submissive’s erection or calling it “tiny,” “useless,” or “pathetic.”

• Comparing their size unfavorably to imagined lovers, exes, or “real men.”

• Posting photos (with consent) for public commentary in online humiliation spaces.

• Assigning tasks or rituals based on their “inferior” status, such as locking them in chastity, serving other men, or being denied pleasure.

SPH can range from lighthearted teasing to intense, identity-focused degradation. Some submissives find this play deeply arousing, while others enjoy it as a way of exploring emasculation, submission, and psychological surrender. As with all humiliation and degradation kinks, enthusiastic consent and aftercare are essential.

Submissive

A submissive is one who yields power within negotiated scenes or dynamics. Their surrender is conscious, sensual, and sacred. They serve not because they must—but because they want to.

Switch

Someone who can embody both Dominant and submissive roles. Switches are adaptable, curious, and expansive—capable of topping one day and kneeling the next. I personally love to play with switches as they are a rare breed. Switching can be psychological (D/s) or just physical (top/bottom).

Top

The one who delivers sensation, commands, or restraint during a scene. A service top may not hold psychological power—they simply perform the act, often in service to the bottom’s desires. I look for good service tops in the male guests I invite to my Boudoir Soirées!

Topping from the Bottom

When a sub attempts to control the scene while appearing to submit. It undermines the dynamic and erodes trust. A Domme leads. A sub follows. Otherwise, it's not submission.

BDSM isn’t just a practice—it’s a language. A ritual. A sacred exchange. When we learn the words, we unlock the worlds they hold: power and surrender, control and release, structure and sensation.

Total Power Exchange (TPE)

A 24/7 dynamic where the Dominant has full control over the submissive’s decisions, actions, and sometimes even external life areas (e.g., money, wardrobe, schedule). Not all relationships go this far, but for those who do, it's a profound ritual of identity and trust.

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